“First thing I gotta say, I hear a lot of hoo-ha and hooray for this Greystones Tidy Town lot, and I’m really glad to finally get this on record – I pretty much eat 75% to 90% of all the food that’s discarded on these streets.
“I’m basically a hoover, on legs. And a lead. And, as much as I enjoy most of that food – bar the occasional titbit that decides very quickly it doesn’t want to stay in my stomach – I do think the town owes me a little recognition for my good work.
“I’m not talking about a medal, or a plaque, or anything fancy like that, but, being made an honorary member of the Greystones Tidy Towns would be somewhat fitting, I should think. Throw in one of those high-vis jackets, and I’m laughing. Or sneezing, I should say, which is pretty much how we canines chuckle.
“Other than that, got to say, I’m one very happy Greystones mutt. I’ve got one hell of a pal here in Miriam, who takes me for nice relaxing walks, shopping trips and coffee runs. Miriam has also provided me with a great plaything called Caroline, whom – or is it who? Can never remember – I get to play tricks on.
“Simple things, like digging a moat around her whenever she sits down on the beach, or basically pushing Caroline out the door of an evening when I feel she’s encroaching upon my quality alone time with Miriam.
“Other than that, not much to reveal, other than my name is Rubén (yes, Rubén; deal with it), I’m a fine specimen of a labrador, and I’m five years old. Oh, and, in the right light, I can look like a seal – which has always baffled me.