“Toby or not Toby, that is the question…
“And the answer is, yep, it’s Toby. That’s my name. For as long as I can remember. Which, given that I’m only 6 months old, isn’t that long, granted, but, it’s also been all of my life. So, that always does feel long. No matter how old you are.
“What to tell you about my beautiful, teddy-bear-looking self? Well, just like that Trump guy, I’m a Border Terrier. Only, I’m not a ranting & raving racist asshole. Big difference.
“I have two absolute favourite things I like to do in this world. One is run wild around the South Beach with all the other dogs – although we have to keep away from the main beach and over close to Ballygannon for the summer, of course – outside the Restricted Area. I’m sure Trump’s behind that too.
“My second favourite thing to do is bury stuff. Not just any old stuff though, like bones and stones, but objects that I know my family will need. And therefore, you know, they’ll have to go searching around the house, again, and again. And again.
“Cracks me up, knowing that left shoe, or that pink hairbrush, is pushing up the daisies whilst one of these schmucks turns the house upside down.
“Well, I say they’re schmucks, but, deep down, I’m crazy about Melissa here, and the little ‘uns – Eoin, Ryan, Lucy and Zoe.
“Not so crazy about the man of the house though, Peter. Mainly because, you know, he really is a schmuck.