Hey, Mister, Where’s Our Frickin’ Raft…?!

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Hey, Mister, Where’s Our Frickin’ Raft…?!

It was shortly the Great Dipshit Diving Debacle of 2017 down at Greystones harbour that our fine local councillors suggested some kind of raft might be in order.

The plan being to situate said raft in either The Cove or somewhere along the North Beach.

It would be a return to ye olden days, of course, when many a pot-bellied Greystonian rested their weary selves upon that floating floor, and many a learner survived to splash about frantically another day.

With a mildly indignant missive from Citizen Miller arriving at GG HQ this week, and another rise in the cry for a second lifeguard base in the town – to look after all those young, craven Cove carousers – we thought it high time to check with the powers that be, on both fronts.

Turns out the local district council are ‘actively looking at ways to progress this’, but it’s not quite as simple as throwing a spare floor onto some old car tyres

Wherever you lay your raft, it’s got to be a designated bathing area. Current council policy is to have only one designated bathing area per coastal town, and in Greystones, it’s The South Beach. Which just isn’t, we’re told, suitable for a raft.

The alternatives are The Cove or The Harbour, and it would mean upgrading one of these two spots to being a recognised bathing area. And that’s done through a nomination process, the opportunity coming around every July for approval the following year. The chosen watering hole needs to have four previous years of water sampling showing good results before it can be designated.

Sampling at The Cove started in 2018.

In regard to getting a second lifeguard in the town, the same rule applies – the area must be a recognised bathing area to qualify.

So, we’re talking another three years of water sampling, basically, before The Cove can be put forward for nomination as a recognised bathing area. And then, once the nomination is successful, we can get that raft. And that extra lifeguard.

And then, hey, the whole town will be happy and content. And will never need for anything, or anyone, ever again. Amen.

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