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Quick! Be Nice To Your Crappy Neighbour!


For the next 24 hours, it might just be worth your while to be nice to everyone you know around here.

For some lucky bugger in County Wicklow has just won €11.2m on the National Lottery.

Just who it is, no one knows just yet.

Naturally, if you heard a particularly high-pitched scream at any point last night or earlier today, well, approach that person without caution. And with a dirty big cake.

Whoever it is, they’ll probably try and keep their big win a secret, so, look out for the telltale signs.

Like never going to work again. And buying wine in Aldi that’s over €5.

You can also tell by the smile, of course. If you spot anyone with a fast and firm Flynnstone smile, then you know the fecker’s a millionaire.

And once you spot that Happy Pear high, you can go in for the kill. Mention that you won €3 down at The Beach House bingo on Wednesday night, and if they keel over laughing, and start rolling around on the floor, hey, that’s our winner.

Whoever did win, may we just say, congratulations. And, by the way, you’re looking great. Have you lost weight…?

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