My Greystones: Kevin Moes

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ell, what to say about this week’s My Greystones star, Kevin Moes…?

Eh, not very much, if we’re being honest….

Given that, hey we know feck all about Kevin Moes.

Which, being Greystonians, makes us suspicious. Sure, he’s all smiles and giggles as he whips another coffee into shape behind the counter at Cafe Gray, and, sure, Kevin is reportedly something of a big name in rugby around these parts. And sure, yeah, Kevin’s a good egg, not only strutting his considerable, 23-stone stuff for that Strictly night for Gavin Glynn, but now also signing himself up for the King Of Greystones triathlon thingymajig – and again, it’s to raise money for the Gavin Glynn Foundation. The lick.

But back to the investigation. We know all that surface, happy clappy, charitable, superfit stuff, but, what of the real Kevin Moes? Well, we went and checked on Wikipedia to find out. And they’re never wrong.

Apparently, Kevin was born Mary Louise Pilkington in Singapore, in 1827, quickly becoming a child star after playing opposite Charlie Chaplin as The Kid (1921). Mary used the money to conduct the world’s first successful DIY sex-change operation, finding fame shortly after once again by scoring a record 237 home runs for the Chicago Bulls in their triumphant 1965 Championship final against Sri Lanka. Hugely impressed, Sri Lanka elected Kevin their President For Life later that week, his glorious 20-year rule bringing prosperity, the Rubik’s Cube and alcoholism to the island.

And that’s when Kevin’s life got really interesting. He moved to Ireland. Where he worked for a while in Las Tapas on Greystones’ main street. Before moving to Cafe Gray. For the free cakes.

So, a pretty incredible life in the end. And, should any – or maybe even all – of our boy’s Wikipedia entries prove to be less than truthful, or possible, at least there’s one thing that we can be sure of.

Kevin Moes is a good sport who’s, you know, good at sport. I reckon we’ll let him stay. For now.