“The name’s Duke, and I’m a stunningly beautiful 9-month-old cocker spaniel, as you can see. And no, I’m not ginger – I’m what’s known on the Dulux paint chart as Rustic Sunset. So, put that down.
“I’m here in my rather large playground known as the Greystones Marina, although my lord and master, Susan, reckons it’ll always be called the Greystones Harbour by those who – and I quote – ‘know what the feck they’re talking about’. Or words to that effect.
“This is a family paper, right? So, best not quote the woman directly.
“What to tell you about my beautiful self? Although I like to regard myself simply as a free spirit, I have heard these two young brats walking me here use the word ‘messer’. Which, to be honest, I find slightly offensive. Sometimes, sure, I get a little out-of-hand, but, you know, in truth, isn’t life all about balance, about the ups and the downs?
“Without those ups and downs, your life is just one straight line. And that means your heart has stopped beating, my friend.
“Oh, meant to say, love grass, and, more importantly, seaweed. Not sure why – think all that holistics nonsense has rubbed off on me from Susan. So, anytime you’re winging down by the seafront, feel free to grab me some seaweed, and leave it in my garden. Just up beyond the doctor’s on Trafalgar Road; the house with the porthole window in the porch…
“Susan’s not crazy about the smell of seaweed, so, best to pile it up either side of the door. She’ll need a straight line to run through if she’s going to avoid that stink…”
Check out more of the town’s canine confessors here.