Further afield, there are Greystones motels, hotels, lodges, action figure collectibles, panatella cigars and movie characters. There’s also a series of Greystones knitting books, golf courses, records, and furnishings, as well as snoods, children’s novels, and a dodgy-looking gothic novel.
Sure, sometimes these chancers drop that last ‘s’, just to throw us off the scent, but, singular or plural, we know who they’re copying here. And yeah, sure, you’ve got lots of grey stones knocking around too.
The biggest reveal is over on endless, bottomless, hopeless ebay, where every Tom, Dick and Paddy is selling memorabilia from their own particular Greystones. So, there’s a Greystones high school, a Greystones Ranch, Greystone Lodge, Greystone Motor Lodge, a Greystone Inn (over on Lake Winnepesaukee, in case you was wondering), a Greystones South (where you can, hey, ‘Escape To Paradise’), a copycat Greystones just over the water (in The Leas, Folkestone), a Greystones Road in Sheffield (where you’ll find The Greystones pub), The Greystone Club House, Greystone Cabins, the all-girl Camp Greystone in North Carolina (complete with afiring range – nice!), a Greystones Jacobite Highlander 1745, a 14-volume and vintage Greystones New Illustrated Encyclopedia, a crappy country band called Greystone Canyon, a hairy and broody male model by the name of Jack Greystone, the historic Chicago Greystone, the Greystone Power Corporation, the schlock horror film Greystone Park, the Greystones Skateland Columbus Ohio Roller Club, the Greystone Presbyterian Church in New Jersey, the Greystone Bridge in Cornwall, and the Famous Greystone Winery in Calistoga, California.
To name but 22 of the wannabe buggers. Suffice to say, the name Greystones got around. The dirtyslut.
As for the Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital, well, the less said about that one the better, in case Holyhead try to do a sly swap on their twin town deal with us.
Suffice to say, the list, my friend, just keeps going on and on. And on. And if our lazy-ass ancestors had just secured the copyright (remembering to allow for those sly fecks who might drop the ‘s’), well, we’d be rolling in the royalties today. Rather than being the bunch of backward, broken-down, stony-broke hillbillies that we are.
Given just how dizzying the list is, our original goal of investigating each and every single one gradually went out of touch as we realised the slow, laborious and highly ridiculous task ahead.
So, instead, we pulled together a whole bevvy of vintage and oddball images from all of the above, so you can see the evidence for yourself righthere.
Just never lose sight of the fact that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Even when they’re naming a nuthouse after us.
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