Circling The Drain

With any new system – especially automated ones – there’s always the chance of a glitch in the matrix.

For the gang over at Kilcoole Thrift Shop, a glitch in Irish Water’s new billing system saw their quarterly bill jump ever so slightly.

From €75 to, eh, €1,080. Followed by another for €900.

Given that the very fine and refined ladies only use their water for their daily six cups of tea and, when they’re feeling particularly reckless, the odd loo flush, having their bill jump by over 1,000% didn’t quite make any sense. And they weren’t about to go down without a splash.

The trouble started last October, when the small water manhole outside the thrift shop suddenly turned into a geyser. And so, they called an Irish Water geezer, to let him know that, hey, the water outside our door is gushing down the street. 

It would take another three days before anyone turned up to fix the leak, a bunch of lads from Wicklow County Council putting a stop to the Kilcoole River and warning the Thrift Shop gang to look out for a little spike in their water bill.

And sure enough, come March of this year, that little spike popped through the letter box. Naturally, the girls told Irish Water they could go swim for their €1,080, and they promptly sent them their regular €75 payment. 

Irish Water asked them if the girls could monitor the meter outside. The girls replied that, no, they couldn’t, given that they didn’t have a key to open the manhole. Irish Water promised to send out an engineer. Who never arrived. Instead, another bill arrived. The ladies now owed Irish Water €1,800…

Be. The. Feckin’. Jiggers. The girls have better things to be spending their money on. In July, they gave Dogs For Disable, Kilcoole Camogie Club, CCA and St Patrick’s Hall €1,000 each, Wicklow Dementia Support Group and Senior Citizens Summer Party €750 each, the RNLI €1,500 and the Kilcoole Youth Club (via Cross Care) €2,500.

We called over this afternoon, to find out what the latest state of play might be, and to let the bould Valerie McGlynn – “one of the custodians of the Kilcoole Thrift Shop” – chart the splishes and the splashes of what happened next…

You can check out our December 2016 interview with the Thrift Shop ladies right here.