Greystonians In Coffee Shop Shock!

Little shop around the corner

here was widespread panic and confusion on the streets of Greystones today as the news broke that a new main street premises was not going to be yet another coffee shop.

Scenes of disbelief and at least two incidents of fainting greeted the announcement that the recently reconstructed building behind women’s clothes shop Rudi & Madison – formerly hairdresser Frank Clark’s HQ – will be playing host to Dutch-owned bank KBC.

Who, as we went to press, reiterated again and again that they had no plans to sell coffee. Or cakes. Or to go Dutch on loans.

“I wouldn’t mind, but this comes hot on the heels of the recently closed Eugene’s newsagents, and reports that the new business there is going to be an estate agents,” said a Mrs. W.T. Fuchs [right] of 27 Grattan Mansions. “It’s just all a little too much to take in. That’s two new businesses, on Greystones main street, that aren’t coffee shops?!

“I’m just finding it very, very hard to fathom.
We’re a sleepy town. We need our coffee shops. Every five metres.”

With the premises formerly known as Eugene’s Newsagents currently undergoing some much-needed renovations before the arrival of estate agents Sherry Fitzgerald, and the Dutch bank KBC due to open shortly, there have been calls for mobile coffee stalls to be introduced along the town’s main street until such a time as each business has naturally failed and Starbucks can finally move in.

“There was talk of McDonald’s swooping in and taking over one of the premises,” said one local concerned parent who wished to remain anonymous (hi, Matt!), “but, despite the fact that Ronald does sell coffee, we felt the main street was just too close for comfort.

“If people really, really want McDonald’s, they should walk to Bray and get it. Should just about work off the calories if they walk back too.”