Non-Humans of Greystones #12: Tallulah Belle

“The way I see it, I’m probably just about the cutest dog in Greystones. Paws down.

“Just look at me, for frick’s sake! Cute as a button, faraway eyes, irresistible pet-me coat, and a tongue that just won’t stop.

“The clue, of course, is in the name – not the Tallulah part, the Belle part. I am pretty much the Belle of Greystones, and I owe it all to my ultra-stylish, ultra-hip and equally shaggable servants, Lisa and Barbara. These two girls have taught me everything I know about panache, colour co-ordination, style and avoiding the ruffians.

“Which mainly means being very, very cautious when hanging out in The Cove. Humungous amount of commoners there, and you just have to be careful who you make eye contact with down in that devil hole. That’s why I prefer the South Beach. You meet a much better class of bitch on that side of town. It’s a Burnaby thing.

“What else to tell you about my fine self? Well, I’m a Miniature Yorkshire Terrier – which is Latin for Small & Perfectly Formed, as fas as I know. I’ve just gone 11, but, you know, with these looks, I might as well be 2.

“Oh, and just in case you think I’m some kind of pampered pooch pushover, my roots are pure Raneleigh. So, it goes without saying, I know how to use a knife. Got it…?”