Tomasso In World Grouch Championship 2015 Bout!

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n what will undoubtedly be the sporting highlight of Greystones’ year, the World Grouch Championship 2015 will be held at the town’s Shoreline Boxing Arena on Saturday November 31st, 2015.

The reason this prestigious international sporting event is not being held in Las Vegas, or Qatar, or Scunthorpe is simple – Greystones native Tomasso Spennato is going to be fighting for the title on the big night.

Tomasso in training yesterday

Having proven himself to be one of the gumpiest people ever to walk God’s green earth, Tomasso’s trademark testiness has made the Greystones cafe owner a national celebrity. And now the cantankerous curmudgeon is about to take over the world. If he can beat just one opponent.

But what an opponent. Over in the red corner for November 31st’s championship bout – which is being sponsored by new soft-tissue range, Kleenex For Losers – will be the world-renowned Grumpy Cat, the internet sensation who, like Tomasso, likes to greet each day with a great, big, shining frown. Having appeared on the cover of both The Wall Street Journal and New York magazine, Grumpy Cat is plainly a grouch to be reckoned with.

Grumpy Cat is unimpressed by the new harbour

Not that Testy Tomasso seems all that worried.

“I get crotchety, sullen old goats in here all day long,” growled the sullen proprietor of The Bitter Lemon [formerly Caffe Delle Stelle], “and quite a few griping, flea-bitten oul’ dogs too, and not one of them has ever managed to out-grump me. Ever. I can get my back up over someone just crunching on a biscuit! Or ordering tap water! So, I ain’t scared of no cat!”

Tomasso relaxes after a hard day’s moaning

Grumpy Cat – real name, Tardar Sauce (fact!) – was unavailable for comment as we went to press, but her owner, Tabatha Bundesen, explained her pet’s permanently unsunny disposition as being the result of an overbite and feline dwarfism. As to the reason for the nuclear-strength grumpiness of Tomasso Spenatto – real name, Thor Tellini Rick Otta – doctors have yet to confirm any medical diagnosis.

Said Professor Pat O’Logical, “We think Tomasso might just be a miserable sod, plain and simple.”

You can buy tickets for the fight being dubbed Let’s Get Ready To Grumble! right here.