A Principal Writes
March 31, 2021
Your Little Monster Got Style?
April 1, 2021

t’s news that many of Greystones’ dog owners and lovers of nature will welcome with open arms this morning.

Following a long-running dispute between the divided owners of the Charlesland Golf Club, the two parties have decided to donate the property to the community.

“It was really all the social media posts that swung it,” said a representative of the Evans family this morning, one of the two parties involved. “We weren’t sure about the best plan of action for this multi-million-euro site, and then, again and again on Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites, we saw the cry from Greystonians – give this multi-million-euro site to the people of Greystones. To use for leisure.

“And walking dogs.

“In the end, it just made the most sense. You can’t buy a dog’s happiness. Not even for €10 million-plus.”

It was on December 31st 2020 that the Charlesland Golf Club closed its doors for a final time, leaving many members fuming, and speculation rife over the apparent feud between its owners, the local Evans family on one side and business partners Gerry Carron and Liam Dowd on the other. And now, the clubhouse is being sold separately. To country star Daniel O’Donnell. So he can store his extensive range of wigs. And extensions.

“We’re just hopeful that our gesture will lead to others in the area following suit,” continued the Evans spokesperson. “I see that there’s a petition to hand over a nature reserve to the community of Greystones, and given that it’s now hit the 1,000-mark, I can only assume that Wicklow County Council and the Wicklow National Parks committee will also do the right thing and also hand their multi-million-euro land over to the people.”

Plans for the Charlesland Golf Club property include the rewilding of much of its course with the bunkers being maintained as doggie litters, for the many Greystonians too lazy and too dumb to pick up after their mutts. There will also be a designated picnic area, a yoga plaza, a nudist pit and a series of all-night drinking yurts.

Said local Give Us Back Your Park organiser Aibreáin Amadán, “It’s about time one of our petitions actually worked, and that people power over-powered big business, local bureaucracy and The Man. Or The Woman, of course. Or The Other. We’ve basically been given free reign here, to do with the grounds whatever we damn well please.

“The only stipulation from the owners is that we have to call the park Píosa Sa Spéir. Which sounds lovely…”