With the end of the summer now in sight, the Happy Pear have just announced that they will be allowing locals back into their hugely popular cafe on weekends.
It’s been a tough few months for those Greystonians who like their healthy eating to continue on Saturdays and Sundays, but, the steady weekend exodus of foreigners over the Cliff Walk and straight onto that never-ending Happy Pear queue has once again proven far more lucrative than the local lolly.
“The great thing about foreigners, besides all the kinky piercing and all-round hotness” said Dave (or was it Steve?), “is that they not only don’t fully understand the euro rate sometimes, but they’re often so tired and confused by the time they find us that they’ll happily pay €8 for a local craft beer. You just don’t get that with the locals.”
“Yeah, Greystonians are always moaning about value and how they can get it in Lidl for one tenth of the price,” interjected Steve (or was it Dave?). “So, you know, it just made more sense to give The Happy Pear over to these wonderful, wonderful, wealthy foreigners at the weekends. The feckin’ locals can go make their own free-range lentil lattes for just those two days, for falafel’s sake.”
“Yeah, the feckin’ feckers,” nodded Zig (or was it Zag?).
Not that the Flynn twins are about to bite the hand that lets them feed them.
“Naturally, although we love those foreigners,” offers Ant (or is it Dec?), “it’s the locals who initially set us on the road to success. And that’s why, from the end of August, and the end of the summer, every weekend, we’ll be slowly allowing people from the surrounding area back into the Pear once again.”
“The one thing we’ll miss though is catching the local chancers in the queue at weekends,” says John (or is it Edward?), “dressed in ponchos, and kimonos, and all sorts, shouting out random foreign words and pretending to be able to play the pan pipes. All we have to do to catch them out is start whistling ‘Olé, Olé, Olé’, and they’re off, chanting and ranting, ‘We’re all part of Jackie’s Army‘…”
The Thompson Twins would like to GG to point out that although locals will be allowed back in The Happy Pear at weekends from September 1st, 2016, should any foreigners arrive – “even unattractive ones” – these weary visitors will automatically be placed at the head of the queue. Right beside the overpriced local craft beers.
Update: Pester Power works! Just got word from Hapster Shane Murphy – all craft beers at The Happy Pear have now been reduced to a fiver! Hurrah!
1 comment
Very clever, Paul (or is it Ringo?)