Church of the Pomegranate Mind
t was, of course, only a matter of time – and, eh, thyme..
Having led the campaign from the very start, renegade Fine Gael TD Ted Miwadiwadi, Minister For Mass Hysteria and Sexual Deviance Through Vegetarianism, cited the Oxford Dictionary’s definition of cult – ‘a system of devotion directed towards a particular figure or object’ – in his original Dail Eireann proposal to “get a grip on all this Happy Pear malarkey”. Miwadiwadi first became incensed with The Happy Pear when he heard Stephen Flynn – the evil one of the Flynn twins – state on live television that he and his brother Dave were “hotter than Jesus”.
It’s estimated that 15% of the signatures calling for the sprawling estate to be flattened came from residents of Charlesland itself.
As for the interior, the heating and lighting generators will be designed by local eco crusader and designer Matthew ‘Boyo’ DeGradable. “Our main motivation here is not to take anything away from the environment around us,” said the convicted tree molestor, “and that means being as self-sustaining as humanly possible. So, in short, it meant finding an energy source that was both in abundance and free from the exploitation of our beloved Mother Nature and all her proud, firm, erect trees.
“That’s why we decided that this fine building’s heating, lighting and general electrical supply would be run entirely on smugness. It’s incredibly effective, energy efficient, and, as you can imagine, the supply around here is practically limitless…”