“Okay, before we get started, need to get something of me hairy chest…
“The other nutter here is Bonnie, one of my best friends – alongside Bailey – and already a star on your fine site, of course. I’m just amazed that, you know, in last week’s Guide, Bonnie didn’t invite me along for the pic. Or make a fuss about me.
“Still, I’m clearly the bigger, and better, dog here, because I’m not only giving Bonnie a shout-out, I’m also letting her appear in what is basically my portait. Some of us are just magnanimous and magnificent enough to share the spotlight with those possibly lesser than us.
“But, hey, how can I stay mad with Bonnie? Whatever about the simple fact that she’s one of the coolest dogs on the planet, there’s also the small matter of us dogs not having the greatest of memories when it comes to anything that either hasn’t been repeated at least 5.237 times, or that we haven’t just peed on.
“Anyway, the important stuff. The name’s Bunker, I’m a very Golden Retriever, and I’ll be turning three in March. Going to be a party and a half, that one, given that my birthday is pretty close to Paddy’s Day. Nice.
“Anyway, should come up with little bit of character colour for you, right? Well, I’m fun, and fast, and fabulous, and I love, love, love the beaches in Greystones. Almost as much as myself, Bonnie and Bailey love doing our nut on the GAA grounds just up beside that golf course in Bray.
“And that’s all thanks to Helen here, who looks after us when our pets are busy off making money. To pay Helen. Not that Rosie doesn’t give me all the love, care, affection and treats in the world. Rosie knows that, in the best relationships, it’s important to have other circles of friends that you hang out with.
“Helen’s happy, Rosie’s happy, I’m happy, and unlike those who are against three-way relationships, I’m the kind of guy who is open-minded enough to share my love between these two women. Which is big of me.”