“Okay, so, few things I need to get straight, right from the start…
“Firstly, this beautiful lady right here, that’s Laura. Officially, it’s her uncle who owns me, having brought me into their fine home for his two young sons to hang out with, but…
“Well, I hate to break their tiny little hearts, but, Laura’s the one I want to hang out with. Just look at the girl? Look at that smile? We’re always getting up to something, the two of us.
“Secondly, I may look small, but I’ve got big plans for Greystones. Such as, extending the park to Tesco.
“I know all the other mutts around here keep going on and on about the beach, and the cove, and all that swaddling, but it’s grass that I love. Not the trippy-hippy kind, but good, old-fashioned, picnic-hosting, flower-boasting, lovable, huggable grass.
“Man, I wish the whole planet was covered in the stuff!
“That’s why I want that park extended. I need it closer to my pad up here on the hill. I only got tiny legs, see, and that park has been cruelly placed right down at the bottom of the town. Right by the sea. Where all those idiot mutts congregate.
“You guys really need to talk to your town planner about that.
“Not much else to tell you, to be honest. I’ve only been here for eight weeks, so, not enough has happened yet for me to be writing my autobiography, but I do know this.
“I love Laura, I love Greystones, and I love grass.