“Okay, I realise this is going to make me sound like a little pup – which I am, by the way – but, what fecker came up with the term Pug Ugly…?!
“I mean, what sort of thicko eejit thinks it’s okay to single out one particular breed of dog, and decide that their face is the closest we have to a smacked arse?
“That, somehow, one particular type of face, over all the other types of faces around the world – and have you looked at a shaved cat lately? – is the epitomy of ugly, that’s just infuriating!
“It makes my little heart burn with rage, I tells ya. Luckily, I’ve got the Gallagher clan here in Greystones to keep me calm. And remind me that I’ve only been on this planet for three months, so, you know, maybe I should just give the place a second chance…
“What can I say though, pugs are natural born pugilists, happy to pick a fight with any eejit who’s making this world a dumber place…
“Still, being here in Greystones, with the Gallaghers, by the sea – love that beach! – and being loaded with treats, attention, and pretty shoes to chew, there is a lot to love about this wonderful world of ours.
“These guys treat me like a frickin’ prince! I’m the size of your average McMuffin, and I can run all of 2 miles per hour, downhill, and yet the Gallaghers have sent out two assistants to walk me in the park today. How spoilt am I?
“Mind you, I am one-eight Cavalier King Charles, and I reckon the peasant classes can just know when they’re dealing with royalty…”
Check out more Non-Humans Of Greystones here.