Greenpeace Takes On The Happy Pear

It is, of course, one of the most popular vegetarian restaurants in the country, but The Happy Pear have become the target of the non-governmental environmental organisation Greenpeace – who argue that the Greystones eatery’s high-fibre diet is “ripping the ozone a new one”.

For those already familiar with the undeniably yummy and devilishly delicious food that the Happy Pear produce, the argument by Greenpeace that the Flynn twins’ dangerously healthy meals have a larger greenhouse gas impact than any other restaurant menu on the planet is unlikely to come as any real surprise.

The results of a clandestine infrared scan by Greenpeace of The Happy Pear clientele chowing down on the restaurant’s latest bowl of raspberry-inducing roughage (pictured left) was, they said, “akin to taking a multi-coloured trip inside Willie Nelson’s tour bus”.

A spokesperson for Greenpeace, Mr. Tray H. Ugger, cited a new study published Monday in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, stating, “the noxious flatulence produced by your average Happy Pear meal accounts for a large portion of the methane gas being released into the atmosphere over the Western Hemisphere. These guys are literally brewing up a storm, each and every day. We used to blame the cows, but, Jaysus, they’re saints compared to these hippies”. Carbon dioxide is still the primary greenhouse gas, which research has shown contributes significantly to global warming, but methane, stated Mr. Ugger at the launch of Greenpeace’s latest Save The Ozone campaign, “is certainly a formidable contender. And that’s why The Happy Pear must be stopped.”

To this end, Greenpeace plan on storming The Happy Pear with a Less Lentils, More Meat flash mob later this month, armed with bacon strips and ham slices.

A spokesperson for The Happy Pear was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press. As they were stuck on the crapper. For three hours.

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