“So, let’s get all the obvious jokes out of the way first…
“No, I’m not related to Chewbacca. No, my mum isn’t a heifer. And, no, I’m not Khloe Kardashian after one month off the razor.
“I’ve heard them all, my friend. And none of them were all that funny to begin with, and they’re certainly not funny now.
“Better to talk about the important stuff. Like, how I moved to Greystones with the young Ms Egan here just four months ago, and – BOOM! – it was love at first sight. We came over from Aughrim, which, don’t get me wrong, is fine and dandy, and all that – but, you know, it just doesn’t have those big open spaces us larger mutts need to really stretch our limbs.
“I’m a Newfoundland, as you can tell, 8 years old, and I never felt – or looked – better. And I put that down to this town. Man, when I saw that South Beach, I knew I was home.
“Here in Greystones, I got the best of both worlds. I get to sleep indoors – where I look like a great big fireplace rug, to be honest – and I get to let loose in these big open spaces down on the South Beach too. It’s frickin’ bliss.
“The only thing is, I’m always hungry. Or, as they say in Newfoundland, I’m just ’bout gutfounded. That’s another reason I’m glad we landed in Greystones though.
“I really like this town – think I might eat it.”
More Non-Humans of Greystones right here.